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Cement Trucks: Silent Hunters of the Urban Jungle0

Little is known about the mysterious predator known as the cement truck.  While magnificent in size and appearance, they can be very dangerous to untrained civilians.

They hunt in packs, using strategies not unlike those employed by orca whales:  the trucks corner one or more vehicles and feed on their precious cargo—human beings.  Scientists suspect some type of echolocation is used, but no solid evidence has been recorded.

In this rare video footage, a pack of cement trucks assault an entire neighborhood in Laurel Canyon: 

That cameraman was lucky to escape with his life . . .

The most dangerous (and thankfully, the most rare) of the cement trucks is the rogue - s silent hunter that wanders the streets and attacks without warning.  Little is known about why these beasts are no longer with the pack.  It is suspected that they are exiled due to incontinence – an unrestrained release of their feces (known by scientists as cement).

Rogues are easy to identify by their hunting techniques.  The following video features a rogue that scientists have named Bronto, due to its brutish manner of side-swiping its victims, leaving the vehicle damaged and unmoving.  Then Bronto pulls aside and waits for the inevitable:

While Bronto’s method of the slow kill is what some may call sadistic, it is far more compassionate that what we see in the specimen called Lightning: 

Note the pinpoint accuracy with which Lightning takes down his prey; that little car had no chance.

Lucky for us, Lightning was a bit too aggressive.  It apparently knocked itself unconscious in its zeal to attack.  Within minutes it was netted and captured.

Now, Lightning is the first cement truck to be studied in captivity, in a specially simulated environment.  Stay tuned to Fix It Yourself for the latest discoveries. 

by John Barker

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