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Tools – Then and Now0

After years of studying, I’m convinced that tools were originally designed to chop off various parts of the body.

If used properly, only fingers would go.

However, if Dumbass Jimmy (or James Sharlborough of the Bloated Belly, as his doppelganger was known during the Dark Ages) decided to tie one on, maybe a leg or arm or head would go, too.

Either way, tools are scary—even when you know how to use them.

Take this little gem from the circa 1920:

 

This is the Fire Fly Chain-Driven Grinder.  And what I’m looking at is a finger shredder.  Where’s the f**kin’ handle?!?!?

I see a crank.  I see a nasty looking circular blade.

What I don’t see is anywhere to hold the thing.  Apparently you would hand crank this thing until its four gears ripped up enough speed to run the grinding stone fast enough to cut through stuff.

Um…  Right.

And, yep.  I’m being a dick again.  Somewhere a handle was built into this thing.  And I’m sure that every user of this device was quite thankful.

Wanna see what the modern version looks like?

 

This is the Oregon 109179 Saw Chain Hydraulically Assisted Bench Grinder/Sharpener.

It looks rather like a telescope to me.  But what do I know?  Maybe telescopes can cut off limbs, too.

This sucker includes depth-gauge setting, doesn’t require manual locking/unlocking of the vise during cutter sharpening, and grinds with three different wheels (3/16, 1/8, and ¼ inch).

And there’s a 12 month warranty.

While I still see possible finger loss, it doesn’t carry the Saw gothic horror aspect of the other design…

And I find this rather comforting.

by John Barker

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