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TGIF0

It’s almost the weekend.  Starting to think about that Happy Hour when you sit down with a cold one, pop the top, and . . .

Gah!!!!

 

Is it me, or is that one damn scary bottle opener?  I wouldn’t put my fingers anywhere near that thing!  I picture myself only being able to count to seven—and remembering longingly when I could flex my digits and count to ten. 

Not to mention that it looks like it would guzzle half of my beer as an “opening tax” then spit in my face as it laughed about how I sucked at basketball when I was in junior high.

But that bear, scary as it is, did not prepare me for this thing:

Down, Cujo!

Is that the most UN-cuddly dog ever?  And it doesn’t help that it’s made of metal and can rip caps off of a bottle with no effort whatsoever!

These bottle openers are giving me nightmares.  I have enough things in life that freak me out: ducks, small children, particle accelerators. . . I could go on and on.  I don’t need crazed animals with razor sharp metal teeth noshing on my favorite beverage as a trigger image to cascade me into a full-blown hallucinatory trip which would land me in Dr. Fun’s Comfy Padded Room!  Especially at my Happy Hour :(  

I prefer my bottle openers to be a little more docile.

by John Barker

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