Forget your Swiss Army Knife. This shovel is all that you’ll ever need to do . . . well, pretty much anything.
Holy crap! I wonder if it’ll tuck me into bed and give me sweet, gentle kisses at night.
This is the kind of tool that guys drool over – a manly multi-tasker that can dismantle a deer or take out a tank.
Seriously, this thing is sort of the evil God of Multi-Tools. Not only can you kill somebody with it, but you can also surgically extract their fillings, chop them up, make a coffin, and dig a deep hole to bury them in.
Try that with a Swiss Army Knife. McGuyver might be able to pull it off, but I suspect that would be far beyond your average man.
And no, I’m not advocating any of those activities. And yes, I’m twisted—but that’s why I get paid the moderate bucks.
Don’t worry. They keep me securely locked up and feed me only pretzels slid under the cell door to maintain my malnutrition. On a good day, I get a gummy bear. ONE gummy bear. The pineapple one.
Where to get one? No idea.
Have a nice weekend.
by John Barker
